Never try never know..... (Part 1)

"Belum cuba belum tahu, sudah cuba hari-hari mahu!" (Ling, 2010)

Lol, that's what my roommate (Clement) used to tell me... Well, that sentence dun actually suit me 100%, but at least the first half is true, never try never know... It's been more than a month ago when anything and everything happened... I've been suppressing my true feelings for so long now, stopping myself from posting anything directly linked to the whole matter, but I reli dun care anymore! Blog is a place where ppl get to express themselves, and I feel that's the same with me... I dun care who's gonna read this.... >.<

So, let's do some story telling first... I have a particular female friend coursemate... knew her since the first few weeks last year when the program started... at first it was just normal, we were reli just normal frens, but after Raya break last year, we started getting closer a lot... why? I oso dunno, we just got along quite well, I guess, haha! So, in the end my flower heart started playing around with my feelings, I started having some weird feelings abt her, no actions taken though... During the year end break, we were supposed to stay in touch, but it didn't happen... and as I've mentioned of my flower heart, those feelings faded soon...

Fast forward to new semester this year, and we started getting along very well again... we actually became what u call 'close frens'... chatted a lot, cared abt each other, discussed whatever homework and exams... I started having feelings for her again, and one day, we spent the whole day at pyramid and watched a movie together, and walked from pyramid back to hostel together... the whole day spent was of cuz accompanied with lots of chatting, lots of secrets shared, which made me knew her a lot more... and after that very day, I was sure that........... I'd fallen for her...

I thought abt it for quite a long time after that... I needed to make sure it's not puppy love only, that's why I was delaying my move... but pops out the sentence by Clement... without ever trying, there will never be anything u'll know the results... So, I thought we were such close frens that time ady, and I did feel some connections/sparks between us (at least I did!! >.<), there was reli a chance at least fpr me to succeed... and finally I had to try... I chose the day after valentine's day to take my move... I was so over confident with myself that I would get her... but the following events would be the source of my intense emoness for the next few weeks..... =(

On that night, I went to her unit to cut a birthday cake for her with her frens... when everyone was gone, I took the opportunity to confess to her... I gave her another present as a symbol of my confession, but as soon as she received it, she already knew what I was gonna do and literally RAN AWAY from me! She went into her fren's room before I could say anything, and asked me to leave... By then, I reli didn't know whether it was a success or not... but it took her abt only 1 hour to give me an answer... she came to my unit, and we talked............ apparently, she knew I like her for a very long time dy and was pretending to not know... she said she only considered me as a friend only, OUCH!!

Upon reflection of whatever happened that night, I guessed she already knew long time of my feelings, and decided that one day, she was gonna reject me... It took her only 1 hour to give an answer, which I guess was planned already before... Sigh... it's just so painful and regretful that I never reli got the chance to express my true feelings towards her, but do u know what's even worse?? The worst of all is when u know the fact that it doesn't reli matter whether ur given the chance or not, u were always going to fail! =(

To be continued....