After 9 months since I quit blogging, now I'm back here again. Why? I really need some place to release my tension and disappointment, and this is where I chose, sigh.
What's the point of studying hard when you know every time that you won't get any good results in return? I can't stop this unstoppable landslide, I really can't. I used to excel in all my exams during pre-u, always one of the top scorers. Even in primary and secondary school, I was always in the top ten in class.
When I started embarking on this dreaded journey of medicine, everything started so well, I was one of the top scorers for the first exam, and I told myself, maybe having no interest in medicine wasn't that bad, maybe I can really do it!
BUT! Everything went down ever since. I've had 5 exams in total so far, and every SINGLE time, my results have dropped more and more from the last without fail. From 80+ to 70+, and then high 60+, mid 60+ and now, I'm left with low 60+. So much for always being a top scorer.
Every time I managed to come out with excuses for myself, like maybe the exam was just too tough, or maybe I just didn't work hard enough, but this time, I really don't know what to say already. To say I studied harder than last year is simply an understatement, and what awaits me in the end? MORE disappointment! What can I do now? Feeling sorry for myself, licking my wounds, thinking about how different life would be if I have been smarter to change my course when I had the chance.
Honestly, I'm not used to being so stupid, I have always regarded myself as a smart person, someone who has the ability to help others, and now, I can no longer feel that way. I feel like giving up, I really don't know what to do. How low more can I get? Maybe 50+? Maybe even failing my exams? That would be a first, failing an exam. Oh God! Please help me in this period of difficulties, please give me strength, wisdom and determination. I don't want to ask for too much, I just don't want to drop anymore, please, please!!!
If I tell you I understand, will you believe me? I can't say I was smarter than you dude, though I wanted to :P But the fact is, the first semester for me here is worse than your state now. I got 40+ for my first midterm. Imagine my reaction? But God has been so faithful to me all this while. I can only trust that He has a greater plan for me. Seek His kingdom and righteousness first man, and He will give you what you need. And just keep holding on. It will come to an end sooner or later. I got your back :D Stay strong!
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