After 9 months since I quit blogging, now I'm back here again. Why? I really need some place to release my tension and disappointment, and this is where I chose, sigh.
What's the point of studying hard when you know every time that you won't get any good results in return? I can't stop this unstoppable landslide, I really can't. I used to excel in all my exams during pre-u, always one of the top scorers. Even in primary and secondary school, I was always in the top ten in class.
When I started embarking on this dreaded journey of medicine, everything started so well, I was one of the top scorers for the first exam, and I told myself, maybe having no interest in medicine wasn't that bad, maybe I can really do it!
BUT! Everything went down ever since. I've had 5 exams in total so far, and every SINGLE time, my results have dropped more and more from the last without fail. From 80+ to 70+, and then high 60+, mid 60+ and now, I'm left with low 60+. So much for always being a top scorer.
Every time I managed to come out with excuses for myself, like maybe the exam was just too tough, or maybe I just didn't work hard enough, but this time, I really don't know what to say already. To say I studied harder than last year is simply an understatement, and what awaits me in the end? MORE disappointment! What can I do now? Feeling sorry for myself, licking my wounds, thinking about how different life would be if I have been smarter to change my course when I had the chance.
Honestly, I'm not used to being so stupid, I have always regarded myself as a smart person, someone who has the ability to help others, and now, I can no longer feel that way. I feel like giving up, I really don't know what to do. How low more can I get? Maybe 50+? Maybe even failing my exams? That would be a first, failing an exam. Oh God! Please help me in this period of difficulties, please give me strength, wisdom and determination. I don't want to ask for too much, I just don't want to drop anymore, please, please!!!
